if you like me you must not know who I am
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it hurts more in the daytime
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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