is wine microwaveable?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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