Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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