Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
