you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
