i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
