You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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