So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
and you fell through a lawn chair
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
