Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
