did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
