Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
