dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
