Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
