i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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