This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
