The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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