its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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