I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
