oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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