friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
