idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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