She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
