I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
