I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
