It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
