I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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