Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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