How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
