i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
