My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
