Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
