Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
