So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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