so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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