Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
