Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
