I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
