i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
