Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
