We won't sleep together?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
