Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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