my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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