this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
