cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This baby is an asshole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
