theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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