i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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