I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
