some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
