I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
