Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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