porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
