I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
