I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
