3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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