why didn't you poke me back
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
